Masculinity: Part 5 - Bringing Dark Masculinity Into The Bedroom
CAUTION: This article contains sexually explicit and obscene language. It is Not Suitable For Work, and is intended for Mature Readers Only.
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Introduction
This fifth and final article in the Cultivating Masculinity series builds on the skills you have already developed to cultivate the desirable qualities of masculinity for the purpose of unleashing your dark masculine energy in the bedroom. If you have not already digested the content of the first four articles, please do so before attempting the exercises in this article. Attempting to jump straight into dark sexual energy before establishing the energetic balance of the previous exercises will likely lead at best to embarrassment, or possibly even harm your relationship.
Phase 2: Harnessing Primal Energy For Sex
Now that you’ve unlocked the door that was holding back your primal power, it’s time to transform it into sexual energy. If you’re a sweet and gentle lover, what we’re about to explore will be anathema to you. I encourage you to let go of your inhibitions and indulge in this exercise, even if it feels completely out of character. You’re practising this alone in private so nobody will judge you, and you will not harm or disrespect anybody by indulging in a few minutes of erotic fantasy.
Unleash Your Sexual Caveman - Visualisation Exercise
Before proceeding with this exercise, take a moment to practise the exercise from Part 4: Find Your Primal Power. This will connect you with that dark masculine power so that you can begin to channel it towards sexual thoughts.
Picture yourself returning from battle with a neighbouring tribe. You’re feeling the exhilarating buzz of adrenalin from fighting and winning. You return to your village where your lover throws herself into your arms, overjoyed to see you and aroused by the masculine energy you are exuding. She wants nothing more than for you to ravish her…
Is that vision established in your imagination? Stay in character - the tough victorious warrior bubbling over with testosterone and lust - and tell her what you’re going to to do to her. Say it out loud. Imagine taking a fistful of her hair and looking into her eyes as you give voice to the most lustful savagery you can imagine.
Forget the fact that you’ve probably never behaved this way in your life, nor can you imagine actually doing this. Just play along and indulge in the fantasy.
If you’re stuck for inspiration, these erotic quotes might help:
“Just because you’re my Princess doesn’t mean I won’t fuck you like a slut.”
― Ella Dominguez, Continental Life
“I’m going to put you on your knees, Ruby. You’re going to hate how much you love it.”
― Tessa Bailey, His Risk to Take
“I want to make you feel things you’ve never felt, push you in ways you never knew existed, expand your horizons in ways you never dreamt needed expanding…”
“I want to show you that pleasure can be pain…”
“And pain can be pleasure…”
“And that those worlds can be yours if you just let go and exist…”
“I want to break you apart. And put you back together again.”
“Beautiful, I want to make you fly.”
― D.L. Hess, Sir: The Awakening
“Let me tell you what I want. You, screaming my name, telling me how much you love being Daddy's slutty little girl while you beg me to go harder.”
― Nenia Campbell, Quid Pro Quo
“You have no idea how much I want to hunt you, then hold you down and fuck you until you scream with pleasure of me inside you.”
― Kari Gregg, Pretty Poison
“Putting his mouth close to her ear, he said, “I’m going to ride you raw, baby, but you won’t care. It’s going to feel so good, all you’ll be able to think about is getting me back inside you. Keeping me here, packed up tight and deep, screwing into you so hard you go hoarse from your screams . . .”
― Rhyannon Byrd, Take Me Under
“When I’m around you all I can think about is touching you. Tasting you. Having you. I want to push you against that car, pull off your jeans, your T-shirt. Spread you naked against the metal. Stroke you till you’re so wet you’re dripping. Then push my cock inside you. Make you come so hard you scream.”
― Jackie Ashenden, Talking Dirty With the Boss
“And then," Darren continues dizzily, "when we've come, I'll keep you open with my fingers, keep you loose, and when I'm ready, I'll take you again.”
― Dominique Frost, The Price
You might be thinking “what’s the point of this? I’d never say something like that to my lover, let alone actually do it!” I know that’s how I used to feel about this. Hold that thought a moment, and look at the names of the authors quoted above. Notice a pattern? I gathered these quotes from GoodReads simply by searching for the tag “dirty-talk”. The list was not curated according to the sex of the author, but nevertheless it appears that almost all the authors are female, and since the primary consumers of literary erotica are women, does it not suggest to you that perhaps there are many women who desire a little sexual savagery now and then??? Perhaps it’s time to mix up your bedroom repertoire by contrasting your conventional sweetness with a little spice?
Back to the exercise: let’s take it up a notch. Let your imagination run wild and envision your savage caveman taking sadistic pleasure in his lover’s enthusiasm to be his sexual plaything. Add some hair pulling, manhandling and spanking to the fantasy. Be rough. Take what you want. Feel the exhilarating power of sexual polarisation coursing through your caveman avatar.
Bringing Power into the Bedroom in the Real World
You can (and should) ask for the things you want in the bedroom. “I really like it when you do …”, “How do you feel about trying …?”. In many cases you can also physically guide a willing partner to the actions or positions you enjoy without the need for words. You’ll soon find out where your partner’s boundaries lie, but there’s an excellent chance that she will respond enthusiastically to you taking the lead and spicing things up. (Before going any further, be sure you have your partner’s consent! Some of these suggestions can be triggers for people with anxiety or suffering from various traumas).
Explore some light consensual power exchange. For starters, with the lights on, expose your partner’s naked body and slowly and deliberately caress and examine every part of her body. Take your time to inspect and admire her, all the while telling her what you’re seeing and sensing. Describe the texture, the temperature, the colour, basically everything you sense about her. Let her feel your touch and your breath on her as you examine her.
If you’re self-conscious about this exercise, you might find it easier to blindfold your partner.
Next you might try giving verbal commands telling her what to do, maybe to pleasure herself, or you, or to get into a certain position.
The suggestion of physical domination is often just as arousing as the practice of physical restraint. I.e. it’s not necessary to bring out the ropes and handcuffs, just pin your lover’s wrists to the bed with your own hands, or take a firm grip on a fistful of hair and tilt her head to meet your lips. Place your hand around the base of her throat resting on her collarbone. Don’t squeeze: just the feeling of a hand at our throat creates a powerful sense of vulnerability. If your normal style of lovemaking is gentle and romantic, try getting wild and passionate once she is sufficiently turned on. Unleash your caveman energy into her!
Of course if you have some handcuffs or ropes handy and she is keen to explore, go ahead and play with them too! And finally, if your partner is up for it, you might also try some spanking or other light impact play. (Read the article linked below for more on spanking).
Just take your time, get out of your head and back into your body, and connect to that inner caveman. As you experiment, pay close attention to the reactions you elicit from your partner. If she shows signs of heightened pleasure, keep doing more of the same. If she shows signs of hesitation or reluctance, stop what you’re doing and check in with her to find out where she wants to take the experience next.
Closing Thoughts
Like any new practice or skill, it will likely take time to calibrate the practice of bringing dark masculine energy into your intimate moments. Take it slowly, and be sure to start with the practices laid out in Parts 1-4 of this series. It may take a few sessions of solo visualisation and vocalisation until you feel a strong sensation of tapping into a primal source of power.
Avoid the temptation to cut corners! Failing to integrate the dark masculine properly and jumping straight to the sexual savagery will most likely create an unsettling incongruence. This incongruence might feel to your partner like a clumsy role play or a frightening switch of personality. It is therefore essential to begin to cultivate and integrate the elements of dark masculinity into your character before bringing it into the bedroom.
If you still feel a bit uncomfortable with this topic, you might find it helpful to read this: