Is Porn Eroding Your Masculinity?
Objective perspectives on the effects of porn on sexual relationships
It’s pretty safe to say that men fall into one of two categories when it comes to viewing porn:
Men who openly admit to watching porn, and
Liars!
Pornography is a common part of many men's lives, but what effect is it having on our sense of masculinity? While some argue that pornography is harmless, others claim that it is a dangerous and destructive force that is causing serious harm to men's mental and physical health. In this article, we'll explore the effects of pornography on men from a purely objective standpoint.
Body Image
One of the ways that pornography can impact men's sense of masculinity is by creating unrealistic expectations about body image. Men are usually portrayed in porn as muscular, well-endowed, and sexually dominant, which can create feelings of insecurity and inadequacy in men who don't fit these standards. Similarly, women in porn are often objectified and portrayed in ways that reinforce unrealistic beauty standards. This can lead to insecurity about body image and unrealistic expectations for both men and women in the bedroom.
Chasing the Porn Dragon
Another way that pornography can be harmful is through the algorithms used by porn sites to keep viewers engaged. These algorithms are designed to lead viewers to increasingly extreme types of pornography, which can create a cycle of addiction and desensitization. As the viewer's dopamine cycle is repeatedly triggered by more extreme material, they may find it harder to become aroused by real-life sexual encounters, leading to problems with intimacy and sexual dysfunction. Younger and more impressionable viewers may also developed a more skewed perspective on what constitutes “normal healthy sexual interaction” through subjection to extreme content.
Shame and Suppression
From our earliest solo experiments with sexual gratification, our culture tends to reinforce the notion that anything sexual is shameful or embarrassing, especially outside the context of a husband and wife copulating in the privacy of their own bedroom! We learn to be quick and silent to avoid the humiliation of parents or siblings catching us in flagrante delicto. For many this fear of being caught viewing pornography and/or masturbating carries well into adulthood, and further reinforce feelings of sexual shame. This can lead to the habitual suppression of expression in response to sexual pleasure and limits their responsiveness and ability to be fully present during intimate encounters, leading to a lack of intimacy and satisfaction in their relationships.
What are a man’s most sensitive organs while masturbating to porn???
<scroll down for the answer>
Racing to the Finish Line
Pornography can also contribute to a focus on speed to orgasm, which can lead to problems with premature ejaculation when with partners. Men who are used to masturbating quickly to pornography (to avoid the risk of detection) may find it difficult to control their arousal during real-life sexual encounters, leading to difficulties with lasting longer and fully engaging with their partners.
His ears! 🤣
Sexual Dysfunction
Finally, excessive use of pornography has been linked to sexual dysfunction in young men and teens1. Studies have shown that men who consume a lot of pornography may experience difficulties with achieving and maintaining erections, as well as problems with arousal and orgasm. This can lead to feelings of shame, inadequacy, and embarrassment, which can further exacerbate the problem.
Healthy Consumption of Porn
Porn isn’t necessarily all bad so long as you approach it in a mindful way. For single men seeking a quick release, it's important to recognise the potential for addiction and desensitisation along with other dangers of escalating to more extreme types of content. Avoid conditioning yourself to only be able to reach orgasm with the aid of porn by interspersing porn viewing with porn-free self pleasuring sessions where you use nothing but self touch and imagination.
Also keep in mind the nature of porn production: it's almost all produced by men for men, and fails to portray the emotional and psychological aspects of sex that play such a significant role in female arousal. Feel free to get off on whatever content floats your boat, but be sure not to let it skew your perception of the expectations and desires of the real life women you date.
For couples, porn can be a helpful tool to promote more open communication and exploration of sexual desires and fantasies. Try taking turns to choose the genres that most appeal to each of you, and discuss the aspects that turn you on the most. If you’re looking for a fairly low risk place to start, watch the movie “The Little Death” together. Having some fun with this approach can lead to increased intimacy and a deeper understanding of each other's sexual needs.
Advice To Offer Your Sons:
The digitisation of porn and the Internet have transformed it from something secretive that could only occasionally be glimpsed by inquisitive teenagers to something that is available on demand 24/7, at no cost, right on your phone. It has never been more important to promote open dialogue with your kids about sex, and to guide them towards sources of sound, healthy advice.
Here are some points to focus on:
Understand the potential consequences of excessive porn consumption
Understand the mechanism of porn addiction (i.e. dopamine cycle), and how porn sites use algorithms to escalate the extremity of the content they present you in order to maximise their hold on your attention (and their resulting ad revenue).
Understand the difference between the highly visual/physical orientation of porn produced for male audiences, and the importance of emotional and psychological triggers of arousal that such content overlooks
Encourage the prioritisation of healthy exploration of sexuality, e.g. through self-exploration, over the quick-fix approach of masturbating to porn. Introducing concepts such as Tantra2 that focus on maximising sexual pleasure through mindfulness and embodiment may encourage a more balanced approach to sexuality.
Park, B. Y., Wilson, G., Berger, J., Christman, M., Reina, B., Bishop, F., ... & Klam, W. P. (2016). Is Internet pornography causing sexual dysfunctions? A review with clinical reports. Behavioral sciences, 6(3), 17. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs6030017
A good starting point is Urban Tantra by Barbara Carellas.