Masculinity: Part 4 - Cultivating Dark Masculine Energy
Understanding the Essence of Masculinity & How to Cultivate It
This is the fourth part of a series. If you haven’t already, you should read this first:
LANGUAGE WARNING: This article contains some obscene language and is therefore Not Safe For Work or immature audiences.
What Do We Mean By Dark?
Unfortunately the adjective “dark” often carries a connotation of evil - e.g. “the forces of darkness”. This can create confusion when discussing masculinity and femininity, where the word dark actually refers to raw, primal energies and urges. The destructive or harmful manifestations of masculinity and femininity are more accurately described as wounded masculine/feminine. I ask that you reserve your moral judgement as you read this article as some of the concepts may conflict with your ideas of socially acceptable thought and behaviour. The challenge you face is actually recognising that other people’s judgement should not limit your thoughts and imagination, and provided that your behaviour falls within the bounds of local laws aligns with your personal values, and does no harm, you have no cause for shame or hesitation. By the same token, suspend your judgement about how silly or “woo-woo” the exercises seem. The fact is that they actually work for other men who share your scepticism, so why shouldn’t they work for you too? What do you have to lose by trying them?
Why Cultivate Dark Masculine Energy?
Have you ever been rejected by a woman because you were “too nice”, or passed over in favour of someone you considered to be excessively self-centred? Do your friends all tell you what a great “sweet” guy you are and how any woman would be lucky to have you, yet you struggle to form intimate relationships with women? Have you ever talked yourself out of asking for what you want - maybe a date or a promotion? Have you been mistreated by other people and felt the frustration of powerlessness to do anything about it? These are all symptoms of a lack of perceptible masculine energy and by cultivating it you will subtly change the way you carry yourself, and the way other people perceive you. Over time you will start to command more respect from other men and attract more sexual interest from women.
Put simply: Dark Masculine Energy alters the way other people perceive a man. In particular, women sense the thrill of a potential lover with the ability to ravish, to take what he wants, and to protect what he cares for. In the context of intimacy, the presence of this powerful masculine essence creates a polarising effect, eliciting an equally strong embodiment of feminine qualities in the female partner. The combination of polarised masculine and feminine energies is one of the key foundations for next level sexual ecstacy.
CAUTION: To develop the attractiveness of a healthy, well-integrated, powerful man, you must achieve a balance. Skip the earlier parts of this series at your peril! Unleashing your dark masculinity without first building your self-discipline, sense of responsibility, and emotional regulation will put you at risk of misdirecting or misusing this energy resulting in harm to yourself or others.
Tapping Into Your Primal Warrior
The objective of this process is to tap into a primal source of power that you have most likely suppressed to the point of no longer being aware of its existence.
Preparation
For this exercise, you will need to prepare a few things:
Some time to yourself when you won’t be disturbed. Allow 30 minutes.
Materials to make some brief notes. Pen and paper, e-device, voice recorder, the choice is yours.
Privacy and seclusion. You’ll need a space free of distractions where you can make noise and let yourself go without worrying about being heard or observed by others. If you don’t have somewhere you can make a lot of noise, have a pillow at the ready instead.
A heavy punching bag if available, otherwise a mattress or heavy cushions will suffice.
Record Your Baseline
Sit comfortably Become aware of your breathing. Allow yourself to take full, deep breaths. Inhale through your nose, drawing breath deep into your belly. Notice what it feels like to breathe! Feel the air rushing past your nostrils, filling your lungs. Feel your chest expanding.
Now allow your body to relax. Feel the tension dissolving from your legs from your arms from you neck and shoulders, from your jaw. Then return your attention to steady, deep breaths.
Become aware of what it feels like to be in your body. Notice the pressure of the chair against you, notice the pains or discomfort you may have from injuries.
Many of us spend our lives stuck in our heads with our own thoughts and simply lose touch with our physical bodies. By now your awareness should be firmly back in your body.
How powerful do you feel? Rate the feeling on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is no power, and 10 is god-like power.
If you feel a sense of power:
can you describe its source?
was the feeling present before you started this exercise?
Record your observations.
Phase 1: Find Your Primal Power
We will now tap into the primal power of deep anger. This might be really difficult if you’re the kind of person who let’s things go rather than carrying a grudge, but most likely you are simply repressing your anger about at least one injustice or transgression you have suffered. Anger is a powerful force that we all experience. Channeled correctly, we can transform that power for beneficial outcomes, but if we repress it, instead of “just going away” it bleeds into other aspects of our character and manifests in unattractive forms such as passive aggressive behaviour, or stress and anxiety.
Think hard about the things that provoke anger in you. Here’s a list to inspire you:
someone cut you off in traffic
someone cheated you
someone cheated on you
someone bullied you
someone places unreasonable demands on you that you feel you can’t refuse
you missed out on something you think you deserved
you took the blame for someone else’s misdeeds
Connect The Power to the Voice
Think deeply about the incident that provokes the most anger in you. Remember how it felt at the time, feel the tension coming back into your body, feel the ire rising in your core.
Now scream! You can use words, phrases or primal sounds, just give voice to your rage. (Scream into a pillow if you’re worried about being heard). Repeat this a few times until you feel a sense of relief from the tension of suppressing the anger.
Once you’ve overcome your self-consciousness about making a noise and have a sense that you’ve started to unblock the pent up anger you can move onto the next exercise.
Direct Your Voice At The Transgressor
For the next few minutes I invite you to consider the the things that provoke your anger and to curse them out loud. Start with the phrase “I fucking hate …” and complete the sentence, out loud, and with passion. Repeat this process continuously for a few minutes. Try switching up the way you say it - scream it, speak it slowly and deliberately with venom dripping from your tongue.
Connect the Power to the Body
Allow your anger to flow into your body by laying into the punching bag (or pounding your mattress if you don’t have a bag) as you focus on the things that make you angry. Imagine that you are punishing the person or thing that provoked your anger. Declare your hatred and then smash it.
Notice the Flow
Pay attention to the feeling of anger rising and releasing as you break the habit of repression and allow the energy to flow instead.
When you feel satisfied that you’ve played enough with these new sensations, repeat the exercise we started with: Record Your Baseline. What difference do you notice in the observations?
Phase 2: Carrying This Power Back Into Your Life
Congratulations on unlocking your primal power. Here are some further tips on integrating it into your life and developing healthy habits to help you sustain it.
Sustainment
This power has been in you since adolescence, yet you’ve probably just discovered it for the first time. Unless you take a deliberate approach to preserving it, it can be very easy to lose it again to repression.
Get Physical
Lifting heavy things can help keep you connected to your physical body and your power.
Get Violent (in the ring)
Becoming proficient in a martial art is another excellent way to remain connected to your body, and also refining your ability to wield physical power. Someone who knows how to handle themselves in a physical confrontation carries themselves differently from those who do not know how to fight. This simple change in outward appearance is often enough to prevent the need for violence, and also deters others from taking advantage.
Get Rested
It’s very difficult to maintain focus and discipline when you’re weary. Ensure your routine allows you the amount of sleep you need to feel well-rested.
Get Healthy
Your diet plays a crucial role in the amount of energy you have, not to mention how your body feels. Embracing a diet of fresh, unprocessed food and minimising the amount of sugar and unhealthy fats in your diet can work wonders for your sense of well-being. It will probably feel awful for the first couple of weeks, but after the initial discomfort of withdrawal passes you will experience fewer cravings and find your energy levels remain much more consistent.
Embracing Power at Work & Play
Learn to say “no” to people. If someone asks something of you that conflicts with your priorities and values, have the confidence to refuse without fear of consequence. In most cases you don’t even need to explain yourself. Just say “no”.
Let go of the notion of “social obligation” in your personal life. There is little to be gained by pretending to be nice to people you dislike. That is not an excuse for being offensive to people, but rather permission to place your own priorities above social niceties when it comes to how you invest your time and attention.
There will still be need for compromise, especially at work, however you can easily reconcile these situations by considering your personal best interests and the path that serves them best. E.g. if keeping your job is in your best interests, and refusing a request you dislike would jeopardise your employment, just suck it up and comply. On the other hand if refusing has no consequence to your ongoing employment and there is no meaningful upside to complying, politely but firmly decline. Does this sound selfish? It is. Prioritising yourself is an important part of asserting your will and your boundaries.
Practise asking for the things you want. Want a promotion? Ask for it. You will of course need to justify why you deserve it, and if the answer is “no” you can use the opportunity to clarify the criteria you need to meet to change it to “yes”. Have you just met someone you find attractive and would like to get to know them better? Tell them so and ask them on a date.
Assert your boundaries when others try to cross them. Calmly confront the transgressor and firmly request that stop what they’re doing. Know how far you are prepared to take any conflict that arises. In most cases this means making a firm request, but removing yourself from the situation if the other person insists on being an arsehole, since escalating to violence seldom leads to a beneficial outcome in polite society. Nevertheless, when asserting your boundaries you must be prepared for the possibility the other party will challenge you physically.
Primal Power in The Bedroom
Tapping into your primal masculine power during sex brings a new dimension of polarity to your sex life. We will explore the process for unlocking your sexual savage in the next article.
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Great piece man!