Define Your Style
Dressing For Success On the Dating Scene
Let’s face it, our physical appearance usually creates the first impression with everyone we meet. To maximise our chances of attracting the right people into our lives, we need to make at least some effort to ensure that impression is positive! As an added bonus, looking good boosts your self-confidence and makes you feel even better about yourself.
If the very thought of fashion tempts you to skip this article, hold that thought and read on. Before learning the difference between style and fashion, I was clueless! I selected casual clothes according to how durable they were, and whether they had enough pockets to carry all the junk that inevitably ended up in them. (I was the kind of guy who never left home without a chunky wallet, ring full of keys, phone, handkerchief, loose change, and sometimes a pocket tool in the pockets of whatever I was wearing. Needless to say it was not a flattering look.)
Styling does not require you to keep up with the latest trends and fashion or buy expensive clothes and accessories. In fact once you know what to look for, you can completely upgrade your image by shopping at “fast fashion” stores such as Uniqlo or even thrift stores. In this article we’ll cover the essentials of looking good through simple choices in clothing. This advice is for all those men who are more at ease in the aisles of a hardware store than a clothing outlet.
What is style?
Style is about wearing elegant clothes that compliment your physical characteristics. Although there are some universal guidelines, style is not a “one-size fits all” concept as everyone has their own physique and complexion. What matters is that the garments are a good fit for your body shape and the colours compatible with each other and your complexion.
Focus on Fit
A poor fit can render even the most prestigious fashion labels downright unattractive. On the other hand, if properly fitted, the most basic clothes can give a man an air of distinction. It pays to shop around and try on a variety of different cuts/fits of clothes from different brands until you find the ones that suit you the best.
When considering fit, pay particular attention to the following:
Shoulder Seams
Most upper garments have a seam at the shoulder where the sleeve joins the main body. This seam should align and be level with the outside edge of your shoulder.
Not too tight, not too loose
Find a shirt fit that is neither baggy nor skin tight. Buttons should not bulge when you sit down.
If you intend to button up the collar, make sure it is just tight enough that you can slip a couple of fingers under it without feeling tight.
Hips, thighs and bum
Trousers should have a snug fit around the hips, thighs and bum.
Bums consistently rate pretty highly in surveys conducted by various men’s magazines to identify the body parts that women find the most attractive.
Wearing clothes that reveal the outline of your bum and hips is a prime example of revealing just enough of your physique to let a woman’s imagination fill in the blanks.
Avoid carrying anything bulky in your pockets - this is a huge turnoff, even if what you carry is a fat stack of cash!
Skinny or relaxed leg fit?
This one depends on you. Skinny fit might help you look taller if your legs are on the shorter side. On the other hand, if your torso is on the heavier side, you might need a relaxed fit to avoid looking too top-heavy.
Length
Trouser legs should break just on the top of the shoe without crumpling when standing.
Trouser length is one of the cheapest alterations, so if they fit well and look good, pay the extra few dollars to have them taken up by a tailor or dry cleaner who offers alterations.
Pockets
Have you ever noticed that few items of women’s clothing have pockets, and many of those that appear to have pockets do not actually have them? There’s a reason for this: bulges in the wrong places are unattractive.
Now is the time to consider your “everyday carry” from the perspective of a man who wants to look sharp. Do you really need all those keys on your everyday keyring, or can you get by with just a car key and front door key? Do you need all those credit cards, licences, etc when you’re going out socially, or can you convert them to digital versions on your phone? Do you actually need a wallet at all? If you do need a wallet, try a modern slim one that is barely noticeable in a pocket, or maybe just a billfold with a little cash and a single photo ID card.
From now on, you’re going to adhere to the rule that if you don’t absolutely need it for your planned activities, it is not going in your pocket.
Colours
Colours are largely a matter of personal preference and complexion. If in doubt, stick with strong plain colours: black, white, navy blue, dark grey, and red. You can generally mix and match shirts or t-shirts in these colours with navy blue, black or khaki chinos or jeans without committing a serious fashion faux pas.
To experiment a bit further, you can mix tones from the same colour family, and add some contrast such as a neutral coloured shirt with pattern highlights of a complementary colour.
Do not overdo the colour, especially if you’re just starting to experiment with style. You can add more colours as you develop a feel for it, but definitely avoid wearing lots of contrasting primary colours unless you actually want to look like a clown.
Patterns
Patterns can significantly accentuate your body shape. For example, vertical stripes will tend to make you look slightly taller, whereas horizontal stripes tend to make you appear wider. More elaborate patterns such as floral prints can really stand out from the crowd, but you should only choose these if the fit is perfect and you genuinely like the aesthetic. Wearing something just to be noticed (aka “peacocking”) without the self assurance to pull it off will lead to embarrassment when someone either compliments or challenges your choice of fashion.
If in any doubt about patterns, just stick with plain, solid colours and focus on fit.
Fabric
Start paying attention to the texture and sheen of different fabrics, and even different weaves within the same fabric. Consider that jeans, t-shirts, flannel shirts and Oxford weave business shirts are all commonly made from cotton, but they look and feel completely different. If in doubt, stick with natural fibres (or blends with high proportion of natural fibres) as synthetic fabrics tend to exacerbate body odour. Cotton and Merino wool are both good options for t-shirts, and are relatively inexpensive at “fast fashion” outlets.
As an added bonus, by learning to appreciate these qualities of fashion, you’ll naturally start to notice it on women as well. Many women put tremendous effort into styling, and a sincere compliment about their shoes, accessories or the cut of their jacket can be profoundly charming.
Shoes & Accessories
Find yourself one or two good pairs of shoes or boots and look after them by keeping them clean and polished. While you’re at it, make sure you also have a belt in a similar tone of leather as each pair of shoes (i.e. tan or brown belt with brown shoes, black belt with black shoes). You’d be surprised how many women will notice if your belt and shoes do not match. You don’t want that one simple error to stand in the way of attraction!
Closet Clean-out
Now that you have a couple of outfits that demonstrate your style and taste, it’s time to get ruthless and rid yourself of all the old clothing that undermines your newfound sense of style. And just because it’s not your style doesn’t mean it goes to waste - send it to a charity where someone else can benefit from it. Here’s a guide to get you started:
Cull any clothing that does not fit perfectly
Dig out those patterned sweaters or shirts your mum or your ex gave you. Do they fit with your newfound fashion sense?
All those T-shirts with ironic slogans or funny pictures - they may be amusing, but they’re not sexy. Ditch them.
This section is intended to help you establish basic competence with style - just enough that women will notice your competence and have no concern that you might give them cause to feel embarrassed being with you in public. If you want to take styling to the next level, seek out a professional stylist either online or in person.